Approximately one in six adult children will care for their parents at some point in their lives, according to the Pew Research Center. While caring for your aging parents can be rewarding, it can also be both physically and emotionally demanding.    

This role reversal between children and parents can be challenging for the entire family. Aging parents may struggle with the loss of independence and decision-making that often comes with aging and declining health, says Alexandra Ensign, PA-C, Nebraska Medicine physician assistant who specializes in geriatrics. Ensign provides the following tips to help make the transition easier.   

1. Begin conversations and planning early.

Start talking to your parents about their needs and long-term goals. Understanding their wishes and allowing them to be a part of the decision-making process before their health declines will help reduce some of the stress that comes with making lifestyle changes later on, says Ensign.    

Ensign suggests asking the following questions:

• What can I do to support you if your health begins to decline? Consider things like bathing, meals, finances and driving.
• What type of medical care do you want?
• What is your financial situation and ability to support long-term care needs?
• Where do you want to live if staying in your home is no longer possible?
• What do you want to focus on in the last chapter of your life?
• What passions, interests and values are most important to you as your health needs change?

Meet with family members to discuss your parent’s changing needs, goals and finances. Assign roles so one person isn’t carrying the full burden of responsibilities.   

Research local resources that can help support your parent’s needs as they age, such as adult day centers, home health care services, independent living, assisted living and memory care facilities.   

Visit or tour senior living communities with your parents so you’ll know your preferred options if moving out of the home becomes necessary.       

2. Assess the home environment to prevent falls. 

As your parents age, there are things you can do to make their home safer and help prevent falls, which are the leading cause of emergency room visits among older adults. Ensign suggests the following:

• Remove clutter that could cause someone to trip.
• Remove small throw rugs or use double-sided tape to prevent rugs from slipping.
• Keep frequently used items within reach to avoid the need to use a step stool.
• Improve lighting in the home.
• Install grab bars next to the toilet and in the tub or shower.
• Wear shoes that provide good support and have thin, non-slip soles.
• During the winter months, keep sidewalks and steps free of snow and ice.
• Encourage regular exercise, including a combination of weight lifting and cardio exercises to improve strength, balance and coordination.
• Ask your parent’s doctor to review medications and doses. Some medicines or combinations of medicines can cause drowsiness or lightheadedness.
• Schedule a vision check to ensure their eyeglass prescription is up to date and to check for potential conditions like glaucoma or cataracts that can limit vision.
• Determine whether they need a walker or cane for additional support.

3. Be aware of signs your parents may need additional care and support.

Sometimes it can be difficult to know when to step in and offer support. According to Ensign, it may be time if you notice the following: 

• Difficulties with daily living, such as failure to bathe regularly, wearing the same clothing for days or changes in eating habits.
• Failure to keep up with finances and paying bills.
• Cognitive decline, including forgetting names, forgetting to get the mail, confusion with time or places, repeating questions or frequently misplacing items.
• Decline in health and medication management, such as missing doses, taking double doses or forgetting doctor appointments.

4. Understand your parent’s needs and health conditions. 

If your parent’s physical or mental capacities are declining, it is important to have a good understanding of what medical conditions they may have that are causing this decline. 

“The needs of someone with dementia are much different than for someone with a physical disability, diabetes or other chronic health condition,” says Ensign. “Having the right diagnosis will help you move forward with an appropriate support and care plan.”

Talk to your parents about accompanying them to a doctor appointment for more support, advises Ensign. 

“Their doctor may not be aware of some of the mental or physical difficulties your parent is having,” she says. “Bringing these concerns to their attention can be helpful when making diagnoses.”

If your parent is struggling with cognitive decline, their primary care provider may suggest an evaluation at the Geriatric Assessment Clinic at the Nebraska Medical Center. This entails a four-hour cognitive and physical assessment with multiple health care disciplines. After the evaluation, the team reviews the findings, determines a diagnosis and provides care and support recommendations.

5. Signs it may be time to move your parents out of the house. 

Unless you can provide 24-hour support, it may be in your parent’s best interest to move into a senior facility. Some red flags include:

• Frequent falls.
• Leaving the stove or oven on.
• Failure to take medications.
• Personal hygiene neglect. 

“Don’t wait until the last minute to make the decision to move your parents into a senior facility and expect to get in,” says Ensign. “If you are noticing a steady decline, have a facility chosen and get on the waiting list so you can move your parents into the facility of choice when the timing is right.”

“None of this is easy, no matter how much preparation you do in advance,” notes Ensign. “Remind your parents that it is coming from a place of love and desire to improve their quality of life and safety.” 

Senior living communities may also offer several benefits, including: 

• More interaction with others.
• Opportunities for group exercise.
• Planned activities and outings.
• Transportation to stores and other activities.
• A safer living environment.
• Faster access to support and medical care, if needed.

6. Take care of yourself.

Becoming a caregiver for your aging parents can be overwhelming. Caregivers often struggle to maintain their own physical and emotional health. 

“Give yourself grace and don’t be afraid to reach out to others for help,” says Ensign.

Make use of available community resources to give yourself occasional breaks and time for yourself, such as:

• Meals on Wheels.
• Adult day centers.
• Bath aids.
• Private home health care givers.
• Support groups.